Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
