i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
