From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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