dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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