so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
