omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
