I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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