shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
