I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
