we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i came on her dog
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
