It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
