It's Friday. Sex?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
