please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Rumble strips road head = magical
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The adults are the big ones right?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella