Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men