I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?