please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her