I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
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yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.