So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.