Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
