you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
