My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can I color on your dick again?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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