Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
