whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
