Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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