Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
