Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
