Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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