My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
