My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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