why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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