My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
