And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
no you cant smoke seaweed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
