Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
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i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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