So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
