Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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