I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
