We won't sleep together?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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