So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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