the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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