Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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