I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
