I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Found the puke drawer
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
