drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
