We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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