at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
