And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
