Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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