Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
