How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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