I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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