i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
wanna go halves on a baby?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
