I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
