No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
