I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
