so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
