so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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