i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am one with the molecules
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
