Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
