I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I know her cup size but not her name....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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