we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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