weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
