now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
