if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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