I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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