took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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