it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
