the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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